Big Foot. The Loch Ness Monster. Why bread is square, but bologna is round. Some of life’s mysteries will never be solved. But, from the fracas of online conspiracy communities rises one soul brave enough to tackle the most pressing question of all: Are we truly alone in the universe?
Storm Area 51, They Can’t Stop All of Us
What started as a small, grassroots movement by Facebook users “Shitposting cause im in shambles,” “Smyleekun,” and “The Hidden Sound” has turned into 1.6 million people (and growing) working together to storm the alleged home of aliens and alien technologies that have found their way to our planet. Another 1.2 million are interested in going, but still have to get permission from their moms.
So, what’s the plan exactly? According to the creators of the event:
“We will all meet up at the Area 51 Alien Center tourist attraction and coordinate our entry. If we naruto run, we can move faster than their bullets. Lets see them aliens.”
The group has garnered so much attention that the Air Force spokesperson Laura McAndrews responded in a statement to ABC News:
“The United States Air Force is aware of the Facebook post. The Nevada Test and Training Range is an area where the Air Force tests and trains combat aircraft. As a matter of practice, we do not discuss specific security measures, but any attempt to illegally access military installations or military training areas is dangerous.”
So dangerous, in fact, that signs posted up around the area authorizes the use of deadly force for those caught trespassing.
That makes things a little more complicated.
But if it’s not full of aliens, why is this innocuous little military base under such high security?
A Brief History of America’s Greatest Mystery
Let’s go back in time to 1947. In a small New Mexico town called Roswell, a strange object crashes near a ranch. Locals are mystified, proclaiming it to be an official UFO. The Roswell Army Air Field claimed that it was a “weather balloon.”
Following this event, the United States Air Force began Project Blue Book. In the wake of the initial definitely-not-aliens UFO sighting, upwards of 13,000 claims of sightings were reported between the project’s inception in 1952 and end in 1969.
Fourteen hours away, in southern Nevada, the Nevada Test and Training Range at Groom Lake is busy doing what all secretive military bases do– training, producing aircraft, housing otherworldly lifeforms.
Prior to 1959, it was regarded as any other highly-classified military base. That all changed when a reported UFO sighting sparked the local community’s interest and helped kindle the alien-loving flame that has turned into an absolute blaze in the internet age.
The rumors continued to grow.
According to Time Magazine:
“On June 17, 1959, the Reno Evening Gazette published a story with the headline “More Flying Objects Seen In Clark Sky,” and described how Sgt. Wayne Anderson of the local sheriff’s office was among several locals to spot what the paper described as an object ‘bright green in color and descending toward the earth at a speed too great to be an airplane.'”
The CIA’s explanation was that the military base was simply flight testing CIA U-2 planes, and has been since the beginning of the UFO pandemonium.
On paper, Area 51 is used for aircraft development. In our hearts, it’s much more sinister.
Kyles and Karens Working Together?
Volunteer infantry and well-wishers have been working hard to synchronize raiders into a well-oiled machine. After all, Area 51 is highly classified, heavily armored, and surrounded with guards.
What’s surprising, though, is that people from all walks of life are invited to play their role. In the name of cooperation, warring parties have come together in the face of one common enemy. There’s something beautiful about that.
Kyles are the internet’s version of your typical “dudebro,” known for pounding back Monster Energy drinks, calling you mean names on Call of Duty, and punching holes in the drywall when he gets angry.
This group makes up the first wave of infantry, distracting the guards long enough to let the Karens step in.
Almost never seen with Kyles are the Karens. Karen is the stereotypical suburban housewife, known for having a stacked bob haircut and really, really wanting to speak to a manager.
Karens will be the diplomats of the group, walking right up to the doors and demanding to speak to someone about the aliens. The hope here is that the Karens will put enough pressure on the guards that no more conflict is needed.
Named after beloved anime character Naruto Uzimaki, the Naruto runners will storm in, avoiding bullets and cutting a clear path to the aliens within the compound. Everyone knows that running like the characters of Naruto will give a 10x boost to speed, effectively leaving all armed guards in the runner’s dust.
Naruto Runners would never be caught dead near a Kyle, as a Kyle would bully the anime lover mercilessly.
Everyone else will be rock throwers. These pebble-wielding ground troops are your everyday folks, just looking to catch a glimpse of whatever goodies Area 51 holds within its walls.
A Plan of Action
While many plans have been proposed, there hasn’t been a consensus on the exact tactics yet.
One Facebook user’s suggestion really highlights the teamwork needed for the raid to be successful:
“The basic idea is that the Kyles form the front line, if we feed them enough… monster energy and say that anyone in camoflague is their step dad, and the entire base is made of drywall then they will go beserk and become an impenetrable wall.”
Then the Rock Throwers will throw pebbles at the inevitable resistance (we dont want to hurt them, we just want to annoy them enough to not shoot the kyles as often)
While this is all happening, the two naruto runner battallions will run full speed around the north and south flank, and shadow clone jutsu, effectively trippling our numbers, and overwhelm the base (red circle).”
Without Facebook groups, would such an incredible feat of collaboration and synergy be possible? We think not.
Facebook Groups as a Unifying Experience
We’ve waxed poetic about the sheer brilliance of Facebook groups for businesses, elections, and localized marketing.
It’s an opportunity to custom craft a pool of people who believe in the same things you do, whether it’s the efficacy of your product, the foundations of your political platform, or that Area 51 is hiding something and we have to find out what it is through any means necessary.
When Facebook created the concept of groups, these small, grassroots movements were a very intentional demographic.
“While Pages were designed to be the official profiles for entities, such as celebrities, brands or businesses, Facebook Groups are the place for small group communication and for people to share their common interests and express their opinion. Groups allow people to come together around a common cause, issue, or activity to organize, express objectives, discuss issues, post photos, and share related content.”
While, obviously, the Area 51 raid is a joke, it showcases the power that Facebook groups have in bringing all kinds of people together in the name of a common cause. They allow for planning, interaction, sharing, and conversation to take place on a platform where 68% of Americans already are on a day-to-day basis.
If a few kids can organize a multi-million person joke, what can you do? How can we help?
A Few Good Memes
To wrap up, we wanted to share some of our favorite Area 51 memes that we found on the official Facebook page. Please enjoy.